Take the red pill. You know how you’ve been raised to think you should pursue your dreams and seek individual fulfilment? It’s all a lie. You have limited abilities, and limited luck, and should settle for a modest and bounded existence. (Of course, that doesn’t apply to me, as I’m very much pursuing my dreams, but it probably applies to you.)
This post is quite literally red-pilling being red-pilled, which is hilarious. The point hits home, though, but you solved it for yourself: watching your friend play with his son is a better argument for nationalism than anything else. It’s called escape to reality. We find ourselves needing arguments to have children because our culture has become so absurd and can no longer take anything (emphasis) for granted, which is why the super-religious and ultra-philosophical are coming out of the woodwork to show us the way. However, the key to it all is to not write a list of pros and cons to having a child, just have a child... once you have a child, don’t read early childhood education books, just be with and and love your child and do what feels right. Don’t think about the implications that having a child has for your relationship and how you’re really just fulfilling a biological drive, just love your wife and enjoy your child. Don’t think about social bonding hormones when feeling an overwhelming sense of joy, love, and satisfaction when staring into the eyes of your child, just stare. Whining about being old and barren is a grift to escape being (emphasis) and will devolve into the worst type of polemic grrrift that you describe here. Thinking about doing something and doing something are two completely different things. Settling for someone instead of waiting for „the one“ usually means, in practice, getting to know someone and falling deeply in love with them instead of chasing those baddies with dat bod whom you can „love“ over and over and over again without wanting to stop (get that good dopamine, get that good stuff, get some!) but that too will grind to a screeching halt at some point. Too bad the red pill of „just find someone“ isn’t sexier. This used to be common sense, but hey, that’s how people make careers nowadays. Just write a few rules for life that basically describe the way your grandmother lived (emphasis) and her values. Love your work Ben!
Jul 27, 2023·edited Aug 13, 2023Liked by Ben Sixsmith
Appreciate this article, the non-stop negativity online was also starting to tire me out but I thought I was just being sensitive. It reminds me a bit of this quote from the book The Night Listener when the protagonist has a last heart-to-heart with his sick father:
“You talk all the time, about things that don’t matter. About communists and liberals and scenery; but you never talk about your feelings.”
I have a nasty, nasty habit of doomscrolling, but it’s gotten a lot better after 1. the limits on Twitter came in and 2. I discovered places like Substack, where I can read genuinely thoughtful and productive content, and Discord, which is sort of like a throwback to what the internet was originally for: a place where you could talk to like-minded people about your niche interests without having to worry about likes or views. Connecting with people in The Real World also helps.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."
Cheong's got nothing on Thoreau, imnsho...
"...what do we even think is the point of being alive?"
I've thought about that a lot. I used to write stuff like that down when I hit my 20s. I was becoming lost and I knew it. What is my purpose? I'm 59 and still remember when I finally found it: I was 24 and I still remember how she looked when she stormed across the auditorium the first time I saw her. But, that ended 12 years ago. I found purpose again not long afterward. I felt very fortunate even though it was a risky bet from the start. She told me I saved her life because I didn't hang up the phone on her when she was in a uniquely bad spot and she was sure I would. She would say that often - you didn't hang up the phone. But, that ended, too. Truthfully, that lasted a fraction of the time the marriage did but maybe it hurts more for a reason that I'm tired of thinking about. I found purpose one last time a few years ago, but that never got off the ground. I feel like a relief pitcher that enters the game in the sixth inning with the bases loaded, nobody out, and strikes out the side. Excellent work - but the game is over for him. As I see it, I did my job and someone is alive who would not be if I had hung up the phone. But, where to go from here? How to find purpose yet again?
Here's another red pill. People often say life is full of possibilities. I was trained as an engineer and I know the difference between possibilities - and probabilities. It's possible the sun will rise in the west tomorrow, but...
You're a writer so I'm guessing you've heard of the book 'Man's Search For Meaning' by Victor Frankl. I listened to it recently and I didn't hear much I didn't already know until near the end. Frankl discussed suffering (a very common topic, it seems) and as I saw it, he basically said it's our responsibility to endure it, at any age, because you never know when you will be called on by someone to be there for them when no one else can. It's not a lot, but it's something!
I'm fortunate that I feel like that relief pitcher. Not because what happened makes me feel good. It does just the opposite. I'm fortunate because it does seem like maybe I found my true purpose - not hanging up the phone was the reason that I was alive at that moment and another person is still walking the earth because of that. I can kinda live with that. Maybe it's the reason my marriage fell apart earlier so I could be there for her at that time. Or, maybe I just invented a story (actually, my neurons did) and found a coping mechanism. That what Sam Harris would tell me.
What's the point of being alive? Good question. I don't know for sure.
Another red pill (of sorts): You won't find purpose. You won't find an answer to the question of why you're alive. Looking for it is a waste of time. The truth is, it'll come calling on you. And if you're lucky, you'll recognize her when she shows up.
I read Man's Search For Meaning and the part about having a glimmer of hope to keep you going (said when he was half dead in a concentration camp) is what struck me. Why did some of the people in the camp become bitter and suicidal while others held on to the idea of a future--- seeing their loved ones again or of writing a book when they got out.
Why do some people see the glass half full and others the glass half empty?
Jul 25, 2023·edited Jul 25, 2023Liked by Ben Sixsmith
"Why do some people see the glass half full and others the glass half empty?"
Good question. I don't know.
With Frankl, as I recall, he did not know his wife and daughter had been murdered by the Nazis until after the war. I thought he glossed over that fact in the book. Not that he didn't suffer terribly! But, at a minimum, he had hope - he could look forward to seeing them again. Similarly, he had the responsibility to find them after the war and make sure they were safe. He needed to survive in order to do that. That was a heck of a purpose to help him get through each day - the drive to make sure his wife and child were safe. How much horror will mothers endure to make sure their child is safe? And, as much as he must have hated what the Nazis were doing, maybe it wasn't as personal as it would have been had he known. Just killing one Nazi may have been worth the consequences.
I have to say this, though: It could also be that he was the type of person who just doesn't feel despair like others. There are a lot of people who just roll through life no matter the losses. Grief is something you learn to accept and then you move on as the seven stages point out. For many people that's true. For others, I think Stephen King of all people said it best in 'Hearts In Atlantis': Some griefs just can't be undone. Maybe Frankl was someone for whom dealing with grief ended at acceptance. I sometimes think there may actually be an eighth stage they never tell people about - enduring emptiness. (Makes sense they never mention that one...)
I also believe that if religion is a strong force in someone's life, the sense that there are rules must help (i.e. - no suicide). Or, the idea that as bad as things are God is still alive in the world must help. There's something out there that binds everything together - that's a powerful idea to hold. It must bring hope.
I don't know. I know a lot of people have been thinking about this over the many centuries we've been able to think about it. Maybe that's enough to see the glass as half full - none of us are the first to go through it and most survive (I think).
Thank-you! Yeah, the small things (it's interesting we talk of them as 'small' things, today). I believe most people have moments that just kinda show up when they're not looking. I think you only get a few of them throughout your life. Being in the right place, mentally, etc., to recognize and embrace them is no small thing. There's a bit of luck in that, too. The world is full of Victor Frankls who have to deal with things no person should have to simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Those who aren't fully onboard with the brave new world need to focus more on what they are onboard with and *do* want, instead of what those other people are doing.
You notice it with conspiracy-obsessed as well: omg, they're doing XYZ, we're all victims, etc. OK, so what are *you* doing?
Truth isn't inherently depressant, but under most circumstances, for most people, it plays out that way. If your argument is for the status quo of letting people continue to believe in the tooth fairy well into their maturity, that seems generally pretty wise - but the reason 'red-pilling' has very recently and rapidly grown into a notable phenomenon is that our contemporary tooth fairies are not doing their jobs; however ugly and unpleasant, the approach of dentistry is starting to look more attractive.
We're in a far graver spot than Neo, not pulled by curiosity so much as trying to feel our way out of a burning building.
The joy from being red pilled comes with a change of course. When one realizes they have been shooting themselves in the foot for years, it becomes a relief to stop the pain in their foot.
It's the old "elections have consequences" argument.
I gave a more generous read to your piece than this kind of platitudinity. Red pills can't but be painful for most people - this is why blue pills exist - and a period of civilisational irresponsibility like we've been sliding through since the 60s has to be worked through. The degree to which change is uncomfortable will be exactly the degree to which it's successful.
If you start working with weights but you're afraid of DOMS, you're not going to get very far. The only way out is through.
In the early 1800s America, one could not be part of the highest society, if one had not visited Athens, Rome & Egypt, to see the Parthenon, Colosseum and the Pyramids. However, if the Romans, Greeks & Egyptians thought that way, there would be nothing to see:
"It is for want of self-culture that the superstition of Travelling, whose idols are Italy, England, Egypt, retains its fascination for all educated Americans. They who made England, Italy, or Greece venerable in the imagination did so by sticking fast where they were, like an axis of the earth. " ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance
Who has led a more significant life, the ones that labored to lay the bricks or those that travelled to see the finished product?
I have been around lots of artists for many years. We are cursed with the idea that we can do it all ourselves. I think this is a form of greed. I have concluded that fitting together with others and producing what you can’t do by yourself is our ultimate purpose. This is not an argument for equality. If it was, your mate or your employees would just be there to carry out your wishes exactly as you would.
There is a reason the Romantic chase ends in failure and more appetite. It’s exciting and dramatic, but deep down it’s designed to end in pain. The object is just getting your mate to be you, even as you are horrified and repelled at the thought of that. Any time you find yourself in a situation of “be like me, don’t be like me / look at me, why are you looking at me” that’s a crisis. You might be putting other people through it too. “I want to be like you, why are you making me like you.” The way out is to develop it into reciprocal growth (again not necessarily equal).
A relationship with God, who designed the universe (and everything else we don't even know) is not a religion. We are designed to worship and know God by reading his word the Bible. Read the gospels and Acts and notice the changes. Romans begins what is wrong and why non-believers are lost. Recognizing the designer, paid for the sins of the world through his son's cleansing blood can save anyone. Than you can begin to follow his perfect ways and become healthy and happy. He heals all!
Because the Ten Commandments (unless I'm grossly misinformed) play an important role in Christianity and in Judaism. Whereas if I talked about, say, Jesus being the Son of God I'd just say the Christian God.
But why are you acknowledging and paying lip service to a minor religious sect when making this point? There are perhaps 7-9 million believers in Judaism in the world. About 0.1% of the global population.
You might as well say 'Jesus, of the Christian and Islamic religions, raised Lazarus from the dead.' That would sound odd. People wouldn't expect you, a Westerner, to reference a foreign religion when talking about Jesus. So why are you talking about Judaism when talking about the 10 Commandments?
"Jesus", unlike "God", need be no more specific. I suppose I thought that its historical and theological significance outweighed the numbers of its adherents. If I was talking in the context of the Christian faith, I wouldn't feel compelled to say "God, who Jews also believe in, laid out the Ten Commandments" but in the abstract it seemed like the proper thing to do. Frankly, though, I didn't deliberate half as consciously as I'm now doing, and if I could turn back time I'd probably write "Biblical". That might not say a lot for my writing process - but it also brings this thematic detour to a natural end.
Secular commentators seem incapable of referencing Christianity and its role in society without, in the same breath, mentioning Judaism. This is particularly evident on the (American) Right - it's always 'Judaeo-Christian values/civilisation'. Within living memory, people would have just said 'Christian' (regardless of what they personally believed).
> "The Jewish and Christian God laid out the Ten Commandments, after all, not the Ten Suggestions. But He’s also the God of Psalms and the Song of Solomon — not just the God of Telling the Degenerates What to Do"
'Of course, an essential part of following a religion is communal prayer. The Zoroastrian and Christian religions both require regular attendance of group worship.'
This post is quite literally red-pilling being red-pilled, which is hilarious. The point hits home, though, but you solved it for yourself: watching your friend play with his son is a better argument for nationalism than anything else. It’s called escape to reality. We find ourselves needing arguments to have children because our culture has become so absurd and can no longer take anything (emphasis) for granted, which is why the super-religious and ultra-philosophical are coming out of the woodwork to show us the way. However, the key to it all is to not write a list of pros and cons to having a child, just have a child... once you have a child, don’t read early childhood education books, just be with and and love your child and do what feels right. Don’t think about the implications that having a child has for your relationship and how you’re really just fulfilling a biological drive, just love your wife and enjoy your child. Don’t think about social bonding hormones when feeling an overwhelming sense of joy, love, and satisfaction when staring into the eyes of your child, just stare. Whining about being old and barren is a grift to escape being (emphasis) and will devolve into the worst type of polemic grrrift that you describe here. Thinking about doing something and doing something are two completely different things. Settling for someone instead of waiting for „the one“ usually means, in practice, getting to know someone and falling deeply in love with them instead of chasing those baddies with dat bod whom you can „love“ over and over and over again without wanting to stop (get that good dopamine, get that good stuff, get some!) but that too will grind to a screeching halt at some point. Too bad the red pill of „just find someone“ isn’t sexier. This used to be common sense, but hey, that’s how people make careers nowadays. Just write a few rules for life that basically describe the way your grandmother lived (emphasis) and her values. Love your work Ben!
Thanks Hohenstaufen! It’s certainly true that we can be too analytical these days. And I say that as, of all things, an opinion columnist.
Isn’t there a danger of just over-thinking everything?
He said "natalism", not "nationalism". Jeesh.
True! Thanks. My phone is in German and it recognizes certain English words and not others. It underlines and autocorrects „Natalism“.
*Natalism, not Nationalism! Lol. Typo!
I stopped listening to Shapiro’s podcast a few years ago. The constant negativity just got to be too much.
He has the most grating voice I have ever heard
Appreciate this article, the non-stop negativity online was also starting to tire me out but I thought I was just being sensitive. It reminds me a bit of this quote from the book The Night Listener when the protagonist has a last heart-to-heart with his sick father:
“You talk all the time, about things that don’t matter. About communists and liberals and scenery; but you never talk about your feelings.”
I have a nasty, nasty habit of doomscrolling, but it’s gotten a lot better after 1. the limits on Twitter came in and 2. I discovered places like Substack, where I can read genuinely thoughtful and productive content, and Discord, which is sort of like a throwback to what the internet was originally for: a place where you could talk to like-minded people about your niche interests without having to worry about likes or views. Connecting with people in The Real World also helps.
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation."
Cheong's got nothing on Thoreau, imnsho...
"...what do we even think is the point of being alive?"
I've thought about that a lot. I used to write stuff like that down when I hit my 20s. I was becoming lost and I knew it. What is my purpose? I'm 59 and still remember when I finally found it: I was 24 and I still remember how she looked when she stormed across the auditorium the first time I saw her. But, that ended 12 years ago. I found purpose again not long afterward. I felt very fortunate even though it was a risky bet from the start. She told me I saved her life because I didn't hang up the phone on her when she was in a uniquely bad spot and she was sure I would. She would say that often - you didn't hang up the phone. But, that ended, too. Truthfully, that lasted a fraction of the time the marriage did but maybe it hurts more for a reason that I'm tired of thinking about. I found purpose one last time a few years ago, but that never got off the ground. I feel like a relief pitcher that enters the game in the sixth inning with the bases loaded, nobody out, and strikes out the side. Excellent work - but the game is over for him. As I see it, I did my job and someone is alive who would not be if I had hung up the phone. But, where to go from here? How to find purpose yet again?
Here's another red pill. People often say life is full of possibilities. I was trained as an engineer and I know the difference between possibilities - and probabilities. It's possible the sun will rise in the west tomorrow, but...
You're a writer so I'm guessing you've heard of the book 'Man's Search For Meaning' by Victor Frankl. I listened to it recently and I didn't hear much I didn't already know until near the end. Frankl discussed suffering (a very common topic, it seems) and as I saw it, he basically said it's our responsibility to endure it, at any age, because you never know when you will be called on by someone to be there for them when no one else can. It's not a lot, but it's something!
I'm fortunate that I feel like that relief pitcher. Not because what happened makes me feel good. It does just the opposite. I'm fortunate because it does seem like maybe I found my true purpose - not hanging up the phone was the reason that I was alive at that moment and another person is still walking the earth because of that. I can kinda live with that. Maybe it's the reason my marriage fell apart earlier so I could be there for her at that time. Or, maybe I just invented a story (actually, my neurons did) and found a coping mechanism. That what Sam Harris would tell me.
What's the point of being alive? Good question. I don't know for sure.
Another red pill (of sorts): You won't find purpose. You won't find an answer to the question of why you're alive. Looking for it is a waste of time. The truth is, it'll come calling on you. And if you're lucky, you'll recognize her when she shows up.
Like they all say - life's full of possibilities!
I read Man's Search For Meaning and the part about having a glimmer of hope to keep you going (said when he was half dead in a concentration camp) is what struck me. Why did some of the people in the camp become bitter and suicidal while others held on to the idea of a future--- seeing their loved ones again or of writing a book when they got out.
Why do some people see the glass half full and others the glass half empty?
"Why do some people see the glass half full and others the glass half empty?"
Good question. I don't know.
With Frankl, as I recall, he did not know his wife and daughter had been murdered by the Nazis until after the war. I thought he glossed over that fact in the book. Not that he didn't suffer terribly! But, at a minimum, he had hope - he could look forward to seeing them again. Similarly, he had the responsibility to find them after the war and make sure they were safe. He needed to survive in order to do that. That was a heck of a purpose to help him get through each day - the drive to make sure his wife and child were safe. How much horror will mothers endure to make sure their child is safe? And, as much as he must have hated what the Nazis were doing, maybe it wasn't as personal as it would have been had he known. Just killing one Nazi may have been worth the consequences.
I have to say this, though: It could also be that he was the type of person who just doesn't feel despair like others. There are a lot of people who just roll through life no matter the losses. Grief is something you learn to accept and then you move on as the seven stages point out. For many people that's true. For others, I think Stephen King of all people said it best in 'Hearts In Atlantis': Some griefs just can't be undone. Maybe Frankl was someone for whom dealing with grief ended at acceptance. I sometimes think there may actually be an eighth stage they never tell people about - enduring emptiness. (Makes sense they never mention that one...)
I also believe that if religion is a strong force in someone's life, the sense that there are rules must help (i.e. - no suicide). Or, the idea that as bad as things are God is still alive in the world must help. There's something out there that binds everything together - that's a powerful idea to hold. It must bring hope.
I don't know. I know a lot of people have been thinking about this over the many centuries we've been able to think about it. Maybe that's enough to see the glass as half full - none of us are the first to go through it and most survive (I think).
Good reply!
Hope. God. Belief. Resilience. Finding a reason to stay alive...embracing the joy of small things?
Thank-you! Yeah, the small things (it's interesting we talk of them as 'small' things, today). I believe most people have moments that just kinda show up when they're not looking. I think you only get a few of them throughout your life. Being in the right place, mentally, etc., to recognize and embrace them is no small thing. There's a bit of luck in that, too. The world is full of Victor Frankls who have to deal with things no person should have to simply because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
"Hobbies can overvalued as a means of existential fulfilment."
Small grammar error there
Excellent post.
Those who aren't fully onboard with the brave new world need to focus more on what they are onboard with and *do* want, instead of what those other people are doing.
You notice it with conspiracy-obsessed as well: omg, they're doing XYZ, we're all victims, etc. OK, so what are *you* doing?
Thanks! Well put
Truth isn't inherently depressant, but under most circumstances, for most people, it plays out that way. If your argument is for the status quo of letting people continue to believe in the tooth fairy well into their maturity, that seems generally pretty wise - but the reason 'red-pilling' has very recently and rapidly grown into a notable phenomenon is that our contemporary tooth fairies are not doing their jobs; however ugly and unpleasant, the approach of dentistry is starting to look more attractive.
We're in a far graver spot than Neo, not pulled by curiosity so much as trying to feel our way out of a burning building.
That is *not* my argument. We should face up to unpleasant truths, but seek the good as well.
The joy from being red pilled comes with a change of course. When one realizes they have been shooting themselves in the foot for years, it becomes a relief to stop the pain in their foot.
It's the old "elections have consequences" argument.
I gave a more generous read to your piece than this kind of platitudinity. Red pills can't but be painful for most people - this is why blue pills exist - and a period of civilisational irresponsibility like we've been sliding through since the 60s has to be worked through. The degree to which change is uncomfortable will be exactly the degree to which it's successful.
If you start working with weights but you're afraid of DOMS, you're not going to get very far. The only way out is through.
i was watching some ducks today. they waddle around, eat, graze, swim, and mate.
but why! what is their purpose? to be alive and waddle, eat, graze, swim and mate.
In the early 1800s America, one could not be part of the highest society, if one had not visited Athens, Rome & Egypt, to see the Parthenon, Colosseum and the Pyramids. However, if the Romans, Greeks & Egyptians thought that way, there would be nothing to see:
"It is for want of self-culture that the superstition of Travelling, whose idols are Italy, England, Egypt, retains its fascination for all educated Americans. They who made England, Italy, or Greece venerable in the imagination did so by sticking fast where they were, like an axis of the earth. " ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self Reliance
Who has led a more significant life, the ones that labored to lay the bricks or those that travelled to see the finished product?
I have been around lots of artists for many years. We are cursed with the idea that we can do it all ourselves. I think this is a form of greed. I have concluded that fitting together with others and producing what you can’t do by yourself is our ultimate purpose. This is not an argument for equality. If it was, your mate or your employees would just be there to carry out your wishes exactly as you would.
There is a reason the Romantic chase ends in failure and more appetite. It’s exciting and dramatic, but deep down it’s designed to end in pain. The object is just getting your mate to be you, even as you are horrified and repelled at the thought of that. Any time you find yourself in a situation of “be like me, don’t be like me / look at me, why are you looking at me” that’s a crisis. You might be putting other people through it too. “I want to be like you, why are you making me like you.” The way out is to develop it into reciprocal growth (again not necessarily equal).
sounds like George Costanza
Misery is the most common state of humankind.
Every minute without misery is a reason to live.
Eat your ice cream and shut up with your whining.
I'd take a boot stamping on my face forever over being forced to read Chongster's tweets every day.
A relationship with God, who designed the universe (and everything else we don't even know) is not a religion. We are designed to worship and know God by reading his word the Bible. Read the gospels and Acts and notice the changes. Romans begins what is wrong and why non-believers are lost. Recognizing the designer, paid for the sins of the world through his son's cleansing blood can save anyone. Than you can begin to follow his perfect ways and become healthy and happy. He heals all!
Why do you say 'the Jewish and Christian God'?
To distinguish the concept from gods of other faiths? (If I was a believer I'd just say "God".)
But why are you referencing the Jewish faith at all?
Because the Ten Commandments (unless I'm grossly misinformed) play an important role in Christianity and in Judaism. Whereas if I talked about, say, Jesus being the Son of God I'd just say the Christian God.
But why are you acknowledging and paying lip service to a minor religious sect when making this point? There are perhaps 7-9 million believers in Judaism in the world. About 0.1% of the global population.
You might as well say 'Jesus, of the Christian and Islamic religions, raised Lazarus from the dead.' That would sound odd. People wouldn't expect you, a Westerner, to reference a foreign religion when talking about Jesus. So why are you talking about Judaism when talking about the 10 Commandments?
"Jesus", unlike "God", need be no more specific. I suppose I thought that its historical and theological significance outweighed the numbers of its adherents. If I was talking in the context of the Christian faith, I wouldn't feel compelled to say "God, who Jews also believe in, laid out the Ten Commandments" but in the abstract it seemed like the proper thing to do. Frankly, though, I didn't deliberate half as consciously as I'm now doing, and if I could turn back time I'd probably write "Biblical". That might not say a lot for my writing process - but it also brings this thematic detour to a natural end.
There is a point to my comment, by the way.
Secular commentators seem incapable of referencing Christianity and its role in society without, in the same breath, mentioning Judaism. This is particularly evident on the (American) Right - it's always 'Judaeo-Christian values/civilisation'. Within living memory, people would have just said 'Christian' (regardless of what they personally believed).
Why do you think this is?
What is the historical and theological significance of rabbinic Judaism?
> "The Jewish and Christian God laid out the Ten Commandments, after all, not the Ten Suggestions. But He’s also the God of Psalms and the Song of Solomon — not just the God of Telling the Degenerates What to Do"
Nice lol
I suspect I see your problem. I should probably have said "gods". I didn’t mean to suggest that they are one and the same.
'Of course, an essential part of following a religion is communal prayer. The Zoroastrian and Christian religions both require regular attendance of group worship.'